went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
