Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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