Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
