Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I am spending my child support on dildos
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
