By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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