Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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