I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
