There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
