where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
