I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
