Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
