I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
