During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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