it wasn't lemon gatorade
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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