I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
