yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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