Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i wish my penis had a tongue
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
