so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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