K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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