I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
sarcasm needs its own font
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
