You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my phone needs a breathalizer
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
