He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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