i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
