Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
