Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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