I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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