I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
