his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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