I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
