is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
