I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
