I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
