yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
