I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
