My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
