I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
