I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
