I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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