Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
