Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
