Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Come see our sink grown plant.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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