You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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