im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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