The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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