They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
