I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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