And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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