I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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