i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
