I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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