Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
This toilet bowl is my home.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
