No stitches, just platelets and will power
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Randomize
